Hello Friends,

Loss aversion.

The phenomenon where the prospect of losing something elicits a stronger emotional response than the emotion derived from gaining something. When we attach value to an object or idea, we can unintentionally alter our choices, behaviors, and even our nervous system state in order to avoid loss.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs positions love and belonging just above physiological and safety needs—our fundamental survival requirements. Love and belonging are closely tied to better mental and physical health. Love might be your sanctuary of emotional safety and security, a source of intimacy, or the essence of a romantic relationship.

Love drives motivation.

But consider your partner or spouse, your children, your friends and neighbors. Do we not place immense value on them? Does the love you feel for them evoke a sympathetic response driven by loss aversion? We need love but shouldn't value those we love because it's a trigger? Yes, it's a conundrum.

Love, like fear, can manifest as both an emotion and an action. If a friend gifts you Redhots for your birthday, not due to financial constraints, but because they know it’s your secret favorite candy, do you feel loved? When you choose to prioritize another's well-being unconditionally, without any expectations or contingencies, is that not an expression of love?

However, if our well-being, our ability to experience love and joy, is dependent on the relationship, person, feeling, activity or concept we value, we may be doing ourselves and the other person a disservice. This is where value becomes a sticky situation.

What if, instead, we choose to value the person we have chosen to love with our actions and activities moment by moment, without making our own emotional well-being, stability, or feelings of safety dependent on the relationship? Can you value without valuing?

I am not going to pretend I have the answers. Nor am I going to stop loving my friends and family. But I will ponder my intentions 🤔

Onwards, Amy